is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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