Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
