I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
