P.S. I can't hear my feet
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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