So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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