I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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