She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
