my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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