im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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