Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ugly people sure do ruin things
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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