my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
