I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
