I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
