Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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