Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
