Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
