you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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