Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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