Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
