How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
