So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
