No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i now understand why vodka
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
