It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
