dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
