I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
