you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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