Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
