This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
