I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
