Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You smell like a Billy Joel song
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
