I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
