I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
