bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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