omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
