Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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