this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
