im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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