the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
