Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
