I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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