I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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