Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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