While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
