I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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