She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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