so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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