I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
