I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
