Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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