I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
