Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
