Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
