alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
