you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
